The Elsewhere Philatelic Society has created a free “self-serve” method for you to apply for membership! Read on to learn how to unlock the key to the door to the room that contains the keys to the doors of Philatelicism!

First, you’re going to need the application! If you are near San Francisco, color copies in a visually-pleasing translucent envelope are often found at the The Grand Newsstand! If you would like to print out a copy for yourself, here it is! On the left, a minimal one-page version in black and white! On the right, a glorious color version! The choice ... it is yours! Print one copy per person! That is important!

Here are seven unique audiostamps! You should get all of these stamps and put them in a portable audio device to take with you! Listening to the stamps now would destroy their value!

If you don’t have a portable audio device, take this two-page transcript!

Finally, get to San Francisco, California! Now you are ready! We await your application! Good luck!